After connecting with and texting men on dating apps, once you finally decide to meet face-to-face, knowing what questions to ask a guy on your first date can quickly help you figure out if you could one day fall in love with him and give him your heart. You tell yourself, “No expectations,” but still, somewhere down deep, is a little buzz of excitement. Given your recent messaging, what if this guy is ‘the one?’=>
Before you head straight down that rabbit hole, it might be a good idea to get to know some important things about this person. Put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and get curious. It’s critical to find out more about him before even think about falling in love and giving your heart away.
Is this guy someone you would be willing to deal with dirty underwear on the floor, navigating household chores, or toothpaste in the bathroom sink for? The nitty-gritty stuff where love intersects life?
Here are 5 deep questions to ask a guy on a first date before you fall in love and give him your heart.
1. What have you done to make the world a better place to live in?
Consider what it takes to have a long term relationship: You ultimately need to like and respect the person you choose. What qualities are important to you about the person you plan on giving your heart to?
Most people want a purpose, to make an impact. This question can open the door to learning more about what your potential guy has done, how he shows up in life, and what he’s passionate about.
2. What would you say about your ex?
This question is crucial. How someone talks about their ex, will tell you a lot about them.
If your prince charming suddenly starts ranting about his ex and how she ruined his life and is the cause of all that is wrong in the world, this is a huge red flag. Venom and ugliness can indicate unresolved issues.
Think of a relationship you ended, friendly or otherwise. What did you learn from it? Maybe the two of you were a poor fit. Or you learned about setting healthy boundaries. Perhaps you had different life goals.
Pay attention to blame and one-sided righteousness; it’s an important clue.
3. What are your top three core values?
Important values to pay attention to are things like honesty, integrity, loyalty, commitment, compassion, self-respect, respect for others, or taking responsibility.
What asking about core values does is give you a window into another person. Many people have never really thought about their values, what the value means to them, what’s important about that value, and most crucial is how they demonstrate that value.
Your values may be slightly or even wildly different than his. Having a different value, even a core value like honesty, isn’t necessarily a deal breaker. Yet, it’s super useful information to have before you leap into a relationship and give him your heart.
4. What regret do you wish you could go back and change?
People with a healthy mental state tend to have a few things in their backpack of life crap that they wish they had done differently. Maybe it’s how they behaved in a situation or that they gave up a dream because they were afraid to fail. It could be anything.
What’s more important than the regret itself is how the person thinks about the regret. Are they still looking to blame someone for this regret? Have they come to terms with it and found a way to move forward?
Did they feel they needed to make amends and, if so, did they follow through with it? Or, is it a life dream that they still want to honor?
A guy’s answer can give you a more profound sense of how he thinks about the past, as well as how brave he is in moving forward.
5. What’s a time you lost your temper?
The first time I really considered this question was when someone said to me, on a date, that he never trusted anyone until he had seen them mad.
It’s easy to be a decent human being when you are aligned, when you agree, and when you are having fun. But the rubber meets the road when you disagree or are angry, upset or hurt.
In asking this question, pay attention to how his words and actions align. If he tells you a story of a time he handled his temper like a Buddha, watch how he behaves to see it his words carry over into actions.
How people handle not just the obvious things, but the little things too, is important. Like when the waitperson is slow, or they can’t find a parking spot, or they have been minorly inconvenienced in some way. Do they lose their mind, start muttering about stupid people, flipping the bird, and generally being obnoxious?
Maybe they shut down in the moment and blow up later? Maybe they really are the Buddha, or they fall somewhere in the middle between the two extremes. Every response tells you something, your job is to figure out what resonates with what you want for your life.
The point of these questions is to gather enough information about this guy — beyond how cute he is or what he does for a living — so you’re able to answer your own questions: “Do I like you? Could I one day have a relationship and fall in love with you?”
In the past, you may have been looking for someone to come along and say, “You. You are the one I have been seeking my whole life. I see you.” The most pivotal shift in your life will come from when you make the change from, “Do you like me?” to “Do I like you?”
The secret to asking any question is to ask with an open mind and plenty of genuine curiosity. This isn’t about getting the right answer — it’s about learning more about another person, their beliefs, what’s important to them, and the manner in which they live their life.
The goal is to find out if you resonate with them. Is he the sort of man you want to tie your hopes and dream to and maybe build a long life with?
And, finally, consider how you would answer these questions. Taking some time to consider the questions for yourself will help you navigate his answers and determine if he’s worth giving your heart.